"Is a love affair with the God of the universe, an affair so deep that it drops you to your face in beseeching Him, in standing in awe of Him, really something that you want to get over??? Do you really want to go back to my realm, of seeing such little of His greatness and glory? The rest of us only catch a glimpse of what God is revealing to you. Not to sound crass or to dismiss your pain. I think you are the voice that Christians need to hear in this. I am sorry that the pain of missing your son is involved in revealing Christ's majesty."
Some encouragement from my sister, Traci.
I am unworthy to try to proclaim God's faithfulness. The temptation in my soul to conform to the world has been intense the past few days. I have been going back to wanting to make my "watchers" happy and grieve how they want me to grieve, how the world thinks I should grieve. I have been tempted to deny where God has me so that I can please the masses. I have been scared to profess too much of God in this lately.
But, beyond anything I have ever known, I know there is a sovereign God who loves me. I know my son is with Him. I know He is coming back one day, and I will give account to only Him. I draw near, and sense His presence. I reach out, and long to physically feel His hand leading me. No, I don't ever want to get over that. I don't ever want to stop standing in awe of Him. I don't want to forget His greatness and His glory that was only revealed at this time because of Trent's death.
My God knows His purposes for it being this way. I will continue to fight to not lose hope of that. I will continue to profess that. I will continue to praise Him. I will continue to trust Him. I will continue to seek Him. I will strive to be where He has me, right now. I will battle to stay close to Him. I will continue to profess Him. Nothing else matters; nothing. I will beg you to consider Him before it is too late. Do you know my God? Do you know my Jesus? Really know Him?
You answer us with righteous and awesome deeds, God our Savior, the hope of the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas.
Truly He is my Rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior!
But may all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; may those who long for Your saving help always say, "The LORD is great!"
I wait for your salvation, Lord, and I follow your commands.