Chronic Pain

I'm going to whine a bit here, just because this is my soap box and I am in a whiny kind of mood. Maybe if I whine I'll get it out of my system. I'm not looking for sympathy, just sharing my journey in the hopes that somebody else out there may not feel so alone. For the past 10 years or so I have lived my life in near constant pain of some varying level daily. This thorn in my side that God has allowed has taken on many different levels in my spiritual growth. Due to ongoing health issues I started out hoping for a quick doctor/miracle cure. After all this time, and all this pain, I am learning to submit my poor, getting old, hurting body into God's hand for his plan. I have to admit, some days it takes all I've got to keep doing and going and being somewhat happy about it all. I am too stubborn to stop, and feel that I can't miss out on all the things that God has laid before me to quit doing things. I am not the type to sit, and to go back to bed and cry is just too far from my nature. So I go on. Day after day, pain or not. I try not to be a grumbler, but the state of my heart is so often far from that. It's myself that I grumble too. I have come to realize that God is forcing me to seek Him for all of my joy. None of this outside stuff matters. Everything we have, our health, our spouse, our livelihood, our children, can be taken away. God is the only stable. In Him I am learning to rejoice, no matter what the outside is. I will admit~ it is a long, hard struggle some days, but one that will ultimately glorify Him and bring me great joy. Like Alexis said yesterday, it makes us long for Heaven all the more.

Want A Challenge?

Go check out Alexis' last post for a challenge from a young lady. My, oh my, what a way to start a God honoring life. I'm just a smidgen proud, being her mom and all:)

Be Still my Selfish Heart

Before my feet hit the floor this morning I found myself thanking God for the hot chocolate in the cupboard to make on this cold morning for all my sweet little dumplings. I found myself thinking about how much I appreciate these gifts, but long for them more than the good gifts sometimes. The hard work involved in God growing his fruit in me is not always appreciated. How much do I really long to be made patient? For the umpteenth time to have to practice kindness, only to lose my temper, again. Practicing joy when everything around you seems to be falling apart, or you are in pain, or the cupboards are running low, or the work hours are short, or it is still cold and snowy outside. Who wants to practice self control when the sin is so enjoyable to indulge in? Peace? In an old farmhouse with 5 children, 3 of them noisy boys? Gentleness when the picky little fights are about the same issue day, after day, after day? To display love and goodness to people you would rather scorn because of the hurt involved. Faithfulness to stay in the word, keep fighting the good fight, stick to your guns, when the world keeps spinning so fast and the chores need to be done, and breakfast made, and school started. I find it's easier to just long for the hot chocolate in the cupboard.

But what is God's agenda? To stretch me and grow me into the image of His Son. To be different than the world. To reflect Him. To hold to His statutes. Because He loves me, He keeps disciplining me. The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the Lord are sure, and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. By them your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

Galatians 5:22 and Psalm 19

Still Gonna Praise God

Though the fig tree does not bud,
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop failsand the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior
.........Habakkuk 3:17-18
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And, may I add my own sorrows from this past week~
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Though I struggle with the shock and the hurt of watching our friends deal with the unexpected death of their teenage son,
Though the transmission goes out on the new-used van with the claimed rebuilt transmission only 1 month after buying it,
Though the hot water will still not stay hot in the next to new hot water heater and I am tired of sponge baths and my husband insists we dig up and replace the water line this spring (if we can wait that long) rather than building that entry way,
Though after spending 2 days watching and worrying about Belle in a delivery that did not seem right to me and she delivered a dead little doe kid without me,

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
~
The Lord is in His holy temple;the Lord is on his heavenly throne........ Psalm 10:4