Saturday, February 27, 2010

Chronic Pain

I'm going to whine a bit here, just because this is my soap box and I am in a whiny kind of mood. Maybe if I whine I'll get it out of my system. I'm not looking for sympathy, just sharing my journey in the hopes that somebody else out there may not feel so alone. For the past 10 years or so I have lived my life in near constant pain of some varying level daily. This thorn in my side that God has allowed has taken on many different levels in my spiritual growth. Due to ongoing health issues I started out hoping for a quick doctor/miracle cure. After all this time, and all this pain, I am learning to submit my poor, getting old, hurting body into God's hand for his plan. I have to admit, some days it takes all I've got to keep doing and going and being somewhat happy about it all. I am too stubborn to stop, and feel that I can't miss out on all the things that God has laid before me to quit doing things. I am not the type to sit, and to go back to bed and cry is just too far from my nature. So I go on. Day after day, pain or not. I try not to be a grumbler, but the state of my heart is so often far from that. It's myself that I grumble too. I have come to realize that God is forcing me to seek Him for all of my joy. None of this outside stuff matters. Everything we have, our health, our spouse, our livelihood, our children, can be taken away. God is the only stable. In Him I am learning to rejoice, no matter what the outside is. I will admit~ it is a long, hard struggle some days, but one that will ultimately glorify Him and bring me great joy. Like Alexis said yesterday, it makes us long for Heaven all the more.