April 17, 2011
Perspectives. To look at things from a different angle. How can you imagine something you could never imagine? These pictures sum up somehow the past two months in my life. They mark time in a way I could never have realized they would. To think back through the decades when this tree must have started and survived in the middle of my cow pasture to grow to the monstrous maple it is today to be a reminder to me right now is beyond comprehension. It is just a tree. But he was my son.
The last project Trent and I worked on was tapping this maple tree. Just days before he died we dreamed about the sap of life that would flow from this tree. About the days of checking for full buckets. About sitting around a campfire and waiting for the liquid to change consistency and form a sweet syrup. To have tried and achieved, or even tried and failed, at another project together. About enjoying the fruit of our labor.
But somehow this tree has gone on to see another spring and Trent is gone. I didn't have the heart to collect the sap that flowed. I let it run on the ground before I could make myself go out and pull the taps that Trent had put in. When I saw the new buds forming I wanted to ask "How can you live? How can you bloom? Don't you know? Don't you know he's gone?"
What seemed like just another project has become a treasured memory. What was just another day turned into eternity. What was just mom taking more pictures turned into treasured pieces of art.
I find I hold every event closer now. I find I hold my children closer now. And my husband, and my friends, and my family. I take more pictures than ever before and treasure every moment more than before. Not because they will bring Trent back, but because I don't want to miss a single detail on this journey that God has me on to create His own masterpiece. I don't want to miss the little details that He is weaving in my life for His glory. I want to look back and see His fingerprints all over everything. Not missing one little thing or taking it for granted. I want to see it from God's perspective. The hurt, the pain, the joy, the growth, the blooms and all.