Yesterday was a tough day to get out of bed. Never mind that the coffee and the bathroom is excluded in my quest to truly praise God for His sovereign plan of Trent being in heaven every morning before my feet hit the floor; I crossed my legs and went on with the soul searching. As I was trying to fake my way through it so I could just get downstairs and start the day, the thought dawned on me that this was the God of the universe that I was talking to. He knows my heart and my real thoughts. I can't be fake before Him.
I grabbed my Bible from the chair beside the bed and randomly opened up to Zechariah. Amazing promises from my Savior that is leading me. A little flicker of hope again, closer to praising, closer to joy. As I finished my prayer, and was actually rejoicing, I asked God one more thing. I asked him to just send some encouragement today. I have resolved to be content to let Him do with Trent's death what He wants, but I have never quit asking Him to use it in a mighty way to glorify His name. I long to leave it all in God's hands and trust whatever He has chosen to do with it, but sometimes (like all the time) I just want to see a glimpse of His work. "A little encouragement would make this so much easier today, God," I told Him.
I expected a sweet email, or an encouraging comment (which He also sent, thanks for being faithful dear ones), but He went above and beyond that as well. In very clear, God guided motives, my little sister showed up before lunch time. We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we talked, we ate, but above all, we rejoiced in God's work. Oh, His amazing work! His clear work that can't be denied that is going on right before our eyes. Eternities that have been changed because of that day in February. Prayers answered. Hearts changed. Souls saved. Praising a good God that does have this all planned out.
Today I woke up empowered by that work. I remembered that God does hear our every little plea. He sees our broken hearts. He is enough if we will let Him be. I woke up truly rejoicing for a son in heaven before my eyes even opened this morning. I prayed more intently than I have in days. I specifically lifted up before the Lord the young doctor that cared for Trent that afternoon in that emergency room just like I told him I would: for his salvation, for conviction of sin, for God's work in his life. I trust my Savior's leading. Today it is easier to follow Him.
"This third I will bring into the fire;
I will refine them like silver and test them like gold.
They will call on my name and I will answer them;
I will say, 'They are my people,'
and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'"