March 17, 2011 Our society does not know what to do with death. Even as Christians we do not always know what to do with death. The topic scares us. The shell of the dead body scares us. The afterlife scares us. It is much easier to not discuss the matter so that life can just go on like it always has. Death of an elderly person is acceptable enough, but the death of a twelve year old boy is another matter.
In planning Trent's funeral God gave us the clarity to make tough decisions that we would have never dreamt of making. Trent died on a Friday afternoon. On Sunday afternoon we were sitting in the funeral directors office trying to answer questions about how many people we expected to attend (ummm, none, we weren't planning a funeral this week, thanks) and what picture we wanted to use for his memorial card. It was like preparing for a wedding in a week. Which songs do you want that will honor your sons life and the God who ordained this all and what color of casket would you like? How many death certificates do you think you will need and would you like to order Thank You cards? Yes, No, Maybe, I really don't know. Can we send you the check or do you need it before we can pick up our sons ashes? Somehow, in those two days (really 2 sleepless nights, one day full of company, half a day of church, and a quiet half hour in bed to actually talk about it) God guided us through all of the decisions with clarity.
The only music I really like is Johnny Cash or old hymns. Johnny Cash is not exactly funeral music, so when Alexis suggested "Praise you in this Storm" I had to look up the words. Perfect. So perfect. On the way home from Duluth after the accident we had talked about and tried to sing "It is Well With my Soul" (and mine and Traci's rendition on Saturday wasn't too bad either) so that was also an easy pick. Getting ready for church on Sunday Alexis asked "Mom, can I turn up the radio?" (we have an ongoing battle over the radio volume in our house). I said sure~ and the song "Better is One Day in Your Courts" was blasting. Perfect again.
It was our desire that the gospel be preached, and preached again. We have two church families so we asked both of our pastors to preach, Doug and our youth group pastor, Jerry (who is also a good friend and came with us to the hospital). Pretty much everything about the funeral was non-traditional. We chose to have no viewing the night before. I have been to too many viewings where people are crying and sad and it is exhausting for the loved ones left behind. We chose to have a private viewing for our family at 2:00, followed by a closed viewing at 2:30 for the extended family, then open viewing and seating at 3:00, the funeral at 4:00, followed by supper and viewing until 8:00. We wanted to be able to have the gospel preached first, then those who were saved could come and rejoice with us that Trent was in heaven. Those who were not saved would be faced with the reality of death. It was our desire to minister to people on every level possible~ hearing the word, singing and worshipping, reading the word (Trent's story went out in every bulletin), seeing us as well as Trent's body, along with being physically fed, and being held and hugged by us as needed.
As you will notice in most of the pictures there was alot of smiling that day. Of course there were alot of tears as well, but it was overall a day of rejoicing in God and His ways. We were overwhelmed to find out later that over 400 people attended. Imagine what God did in 400 lives that day! For my own sake I need to record the day in words and pictures, and I hope God moves in your life through it.
If you know me at all you know that the odds of me being late to my own son's funeral are pretty good. Yes, you who know me personally are chuckling, so you can understand why we planned to be at the church a whole hour earlier than we were supposed to be. The girls wanted me to curl their hair fancy so after showers and putting on our new outfits I curled and hairsprayed their hair. The boys, too, have been in a hairspray-mode in honor of Trent so they also got their hair all fancied up.
We headed up to the church in the truck because the brakes had started to go out of the van on the way home from the hospital on Friday night (aahh, yes, this is a fallen world which doesn't even stop to let you bury your son). I was doing allright until we pulled into the church parking lot and saw the hearse. I was actually glad to see the hearse parked because since it was parked meant that they were all set up. In my mind I could handle them being set up, but not unloading the casket. When we are weak, God is strong. He empowered us to walk through those church doors and promised to be with us for it all. The anticipation for this celebration was so high in our family. We were so ready to publicly worship God for bringing Trent home to heaven and to share what He had been doing in our lives. Jerry and Ashlee greeted us with a hug and then we chatted and finished a few last minute preparations. We talked with the funeral director a couple of minutes and they let us know that they were ready for us to come in for our private viewing time.
Our family, and Jerry and Ashlee, all joined hands in a circle and spent time in prayer before we stepped foot into the sanctuary. Everyone of us knew that it had only been the grace of God that had brought us this far, and considering what was to come (even just being able to walk into the sanctuary to see Trent's body again) we could only do the rest by His grace. We acknowledged God's goodness in His perfect plan yet again and asked Him for salvation for many that would hear the gospel that day. Knowing that God would lead us, we smiled and walked into the sanctuary to see Trent in the coffin for the first time.
It is strange how our bodies change so quickly after death. The boy whom God had formed inside my own body, whom I had often carried and tenderly nurtured with my own body, hugged and kissed and snuggled and loved in his flesh was no longer in that flesh. The cold, hard body in that casket resembled my son, but the spirit who was Trent had been gone for nearly a week. The apostle Paul was right in calling these bodies mere shells. When the Lord calls me home I will be more than ready to be rid of mine. After realizing how true God's word was in this as well (that we are mortal creatures and will leave these bodies behind) we could rejoice again that Trent was in heaven.
Jerry and Ashlee stayed as close as we wanted them to (which was close) and honored our last private moments with Trent by being with us. Just as God sent Aaron and Hur to hold up Moses' arms that the battle may be won, God sent people to hold up our arms during this battle. Jerry and Ashlee were two of the many that God sent, which we will forever be grateful for them.
Trent was never a fancy dresser so we chose a simple outfit. We were able to donate his bone marrow from his arms so we needed a long sleeve shirt. He always looked so handsome in his maroon "church" shirt so we chose that along with a simple pair of khaki dress pants. To be true to who he was as a young boy we also chose no socks and his high camouflage rubber boots, along with camouflage boxers. Just the way we think he would have wanted to be dressed at his funeral.
At the prior meeting to set up the funeral the director had shown us pictures of fancy, spancy caskets with ruffles and silk and polished chrome to choose from. Rob and I just looked at each other across the table and Rob asked if they had a pine box. That must have been the point that the director figured we had to be in full shock (or else really cheap). Rob continued to share with him that Trent would have built his own casket had he known that he was going to die this week and that neither one of us could picture him in something so floofy and fancy. Well, they figured they had something in the back room and it fit him perfectly (hmmm, what kind of casket would you pick for your funeral~ odd, odd things we never thought we would have to decide). We chose to drape his jean quilt that he had made over the top of the coffin, along with a smiling picture that captured him so well, and his Bible open to the Isaiah 65:17-25 verse that God gave us the afternoon he died.
The next thing I did after seeing him lying there was to go get my hair spray and fix his hair. Yes, he should have had a compassionate mother, but at this point we were so elated to be able to tease him however we wanted to. For years he had worn his hair long in Ken-doll locks we called it. A couple of weeks before the accident he surprised us all and asked Rob to buzz him so that he could spike his hair. The transformation was amazing! He looked like a different kid. When he walked into weight lifting class for the last time Coach Olson came up and introduced himself and wondered who was this new boy~ and he wasn't kidding! I had teased him numerous times about using more hairspray than I did and was going to make him buy his own bottle the next week. So, smiling and laughing, I spiked up his hair and sprayed it down.
Another thing that we did was to ask a friend, Rhonda, to photograph the funeral for us. Because of her we have so many precious memories to remember the day by.
As extended family started to arrive we greeted crying aunts and uncles, pancake eating cousins and giggling girl cousins, grandma's and grandpa's. We invited Russell to attend early because he was more of a grandpa to Trent than anybody (my Dad passed away twenty years ago). My soap opera family has 15 children total and soon several of them started coming in. Somehow Rob stood in as the door man to give the family a bit of privacy, and we ended up being able to greet people prior to the funeral and share our hope and joy with them. One of Cole's first concerns was if his Uncle Dean was saved~ Yep, Cole, he is. I asked him.
The shocked, confused faces that saw us smiling were only more encouragement to share why we were so happy. As from the first people we saw after Trent died, we asked many "where would you be if you had died on Friday?". Not letting them go until they could answer one way or another, encouraging the saved to rejoice with us then because Trent is in heaven, and warning the unsaved that they may not have tomorrow. Settle today what God is calling you to settle.
Fifteen minutes before the service started somebody came to get the family to meet in Jerry's office to pray. Doug was sitting in a chair with a downcast face. I took his face in my hands and said to him "Rejoice with us! Trent is in heaven! What have you taught us the past 15 years? Then rejoice with us!". Jen was also there as she was going to bless us with her beautiful voice and sing a solo. She was so nervous (I can understand why), so we encouraged her as well that if God was faithful with all the rest of the details He would be faithful with her voice as well. We prayed for her to sing beautiful and clearly and above all we prayed for salvation for many that would hear the gospel for the first time.
We walked out of Jerry's office and the dining room was full. The church entry way had been full when we tried to get through to Jerry's office so I had just assumed that they were waiting to get into the sanctuary. Little did I know that the seats were full, it was standing room only, and not only the dining room was full but even the back room was full. We had only called 4 people personally to tell them of Trent's death. The outpouring of our little community has been so overwhelming and such a blessing to our family.
The service started with a welcome and prayer, than Jen sang the song Untitled Hymn by Chris Rice. It is a song that Alexis had sang at church before and it is one of my favorites. The words were so perfect for the day, and Jen's voice was perfect singing it. I could hardly look at her because it was so beautiful and fitting.
Chris Rice - Untitled Hymn (Come To Jesus)
Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus Come to Jesus Come to Jesus and live!
Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain,
so Sing to Jesus Sing to Jesus Sing to Jesus and live!
And like a newborn baby Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk Sometimes we fall...
so Fall on Jesus Fall on Jesus Fall on Jesus and live!
Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain,
then Cry to Jesus Cry to Jesus Cry to Jesus and live!
O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside,
then Dance for Jesus Dance for Jesus Dance for Jesus and live!
And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side,
and Fly to Jesus Fly to Jesus Fly to Jesus and live!
Untitled Hymn
After the song Doug preached the gospel message and shared the
Isaiah 65:17-25 passage.
New Heavens and a New Earth
17 “See, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.
18 But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy.
19 I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more.
20 “Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years; the one who dies at a hundred will be thought a mere child; the one who fails to reach a hundred will be considered accursed.
21 They will build houses and dwell in them; they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.
22 No longer will they build houses and others live in them, or plant and others eat. For as the days of a tree, so will be the days of my people; my chosen ones will long enjoy the work of their hands.
23 They will not labor in vain, nor will they bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them.
24 Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.
25 The wolf and the lamb will feed together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox, and dust will be the serpent’s food. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain,” says the LORD.
We chose to have the whole congregation join in singing worship songs led by the First Baptist Worship team. It was especially an honor that one of the young men who had been helping with Trent's youth group, Seth, played drums with the worship team. Trent had looked up to Seth and enjoyed his time in youth group with him.
Here I am to Worship
Light of the world, you step down into darkness
opened my eyes let me see.
beauty that made this heart adore you
hope of a life spent with you
(chorus) So here i am to worship,
So here i am to bow down,
So here i am to say that you're my God,
you're altogether lovely, altogether worthy,
altogether wonderful to me.
king of all days, oh so highly exalted
Glorious in Heaven above.
Humbly you came to the Earth you created.
All for loves sake be came poor.
(chorus) So here i am to worship,
So here i am to bow down
So here i am to say that you're my God,
you're altogether lovely, altogether worthy,
altogether wonderful to me.
I'll never know how much it cost
to see my sin upon that cross
I'll never know how much it cost
to see my sin upon that cross
Here I am to Worship
Praise You in This Storm words by Mark Hall
I was sure by now, God,
that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again,
I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away.
(Chorus) And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled
in the wind
You heard my cry to
You and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away
(Chorus) I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth
Chorus
Praise You in This Storm
Better is One Day in Your Courts
How lovely is
Your dwelling place
Oh Lord Almighty,
my soul longs
And even faints For You
Oh, here my heart Is satisfied (is satisfied)
Within Your presence
I see beneath
The shadow of
Your wings
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere(Than thousands elsewhere)
One thing I ask, And I would seek,
To see Your beauty
To find You in
The place Your glory dwells
(One thing I ask)One thing I ask
And I would seek,
To see Your beauty
To find You in
The place Your glory dwells
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
(Better is one day)Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
(My heart and flesh cry out)My heart and flesh cry out For You,
the Living God
Your Spirit's water for my soul
I've tasted, and I've seen
Come once again to me
I will draw near to You
I will draw near to You (To You)
Better is one day Better is one day Better is one day
Than thousands elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere(4X)
Yeah, than thousands elsewhere (Yeah)
Oh, than thousands elsewhere
More lyrics:
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/chris_tomlin/#share
Worship was followed by Jerry's sermon, which he was so gracious to share the notes with me. It was the gospel message clearly preached again, seasoned with love, grace, and much hope and rejoicing.
Introductory Comments:When calamities like this come about, what sort of things do you say? Oftentimes, there is nothing to say but to simply weep with those who are weeping. And we—as relatives, friends, grandparents, uncles and aunts (and myself as his Youth Pastor)—all have wept much.But my wife and I were blessed to be with Rob and Terri on Friday night when we went up to see Trent. We have talked with them much since then, and I know that they don’t just want tears. They want hope proclaimed. And they have been proclaiming much hope. So, let me share a couple things that Rob or Terri would share if they were up here right now.
Things That Rob and Terri Would Want Said—
1.) “This was God’s sovereign plan.”
a.) Negatively—Rob and Terri would say that it was not…- Just an accident- A twist of bad fate- An awful coincidence (According to Spirit Mountain, the fatality rate for skiing is 1 in every 1.5 million skiers)- Ultimately a work of the devil
b.) Story of JobSuffering:All of his 10,000+ livestock were either stolen or killed.All 7 sons and 3 daughters were suddenly killedAll but 4 of Job’s servants diedJob was then afflicted with awful boils from his toe to the crown of his head, but was denied the mercy of deathResponse:“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (Job 1:21)Analysis:Was this right of Job to say this?Yes! He got it right! The end of that verse says, “In all this Job did not sin” (Job 1:22)—he didn’t lie! Conclusion:Yes, Satan was the one that incited God. Satan was working. But he was a pawn. Fate, bad luck, and Satan were not sovereign that day. God was sovereign.
c.) Illustration with TrentJust like Job, Rob and Terri have been faithful in recognizing God’s hand in the midst of all of this.Obituary: “On Friday, February 18, 2011, God did the unthinkable in our life—He chose to take our 12-year-old son, Trent, home in a skiing accident.”On the drive up to Duluth: “The Lord gave us 12 good years with our son. And he took him when he thought it would be best.”
2.) “God is working this for their good”Knowing that God is sovereign over this is not good news. But knowing that God is sovereign and good and is working things out for good is incredibly good news.a.) Romans 8:28God’s Word says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
Exegesis: Here we have a promise that God is not just in control, but he is also good. In how many things? In “all things.” What is incredible is that Paul—who wrote this passage—is not being naïve. These “all things” include suffering, suffering that makes us “groan in the pains of childbirth” as he earlier says.
So, what Rob and Terri would say to you, if they got the chance, is, with tears streaming down their face, “God is working this out for our good, for we are those who love God.”
b.) What Is This Good?But what is really great about the hope that Rob and Terri have as believers is that their hope isn’t a generic “Well, things-happen-for-a-reason” kind of hope. There are particular, wonderful, glorious things that God has promised that will be for their good.
They are identifying with their Savior. “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake” (Phil 1:29)
They are being conformed into the image of Jesus through these sufferings (James 1:2-4)
They have the assurance that these afflictions are producing within them an eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17).
This is the way the Christian life works: “Suffering now, glory then.”Paul says that we rejoice in hope of the glory of God, knowing that even suffering produces endurance, which produces character, which produces hope (Romans 5). This is NOT a hope that things will work out on earth; this is a hope realized only in heaven. If you have talked to Rob and Terri, you know that their hope in heaven has increased a thousand fold.
And we are assured of all of this because man named Jesus Christ who claimed to be God said he would die a death as a ransom for many. He rose again from the dead. That means that he has defeated sin and death, and those who submit to him and follow him in faith share in his benefits. (Acts 17)
c.) Illustration with Trent
No wonder the first words Terri said to me were, “Rejoice with me, Jerry.”Conclusion: Why? Because she knows that all things—especially the worst of sufferings—is not because God is mad at her or trying to destroy her, but rather these things are remedial. They are like a salve that when it is applied, it stings, but in time it brings life and healing.
3.) “What about you?”The final thing I know that Rob and Terri would both like to say would be, “What about you? If you were to die today and stood before our awesome, holy, perfect God, what would you say?” I know this, because Rob and Terri asked that very question to the police officer and the doctor who broke the news of their son’s death to them.
a.) The Shortness of LifeNothing reminds us of the incredible shortness of life than when a young one suddenly passes away. How many of us have asked the question since last Friday, “What if that was me, or my kids?” The truth is, we do not know when our time will be, but we all know that our time will come. So, let me ask you as directly as Rob and Terri would ask you, “What is your eternal destiny?”
b.) Trent’s Assurance of a Welcoming Saviori.) His WretchednessTrent knew his eternal destiny. But he did not find his assurance by his faithful church attendance or his desire to keep all of God’s laws. Trent did not presume that his goodness was good enough for God, instead what he remarkably did—even as a young man—was realize and acknowledge his desperate, sinful condition before God. One of the first things Terri shared with me after the accident was that it was last summer that Trent sat down at the kitchen table with her and said, “Mom, I know I am not right with God.”
Illus. of Tax Collector: Trent met God on His terms, just like the Tax Collector who would not even look up to heaven but cried out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!”He did not mix God’s grace with his own goodness, instead he came to God with empty hands, pleading for his grace.
ii.) God’s GraceAnd what Trent found that summer afternoon at the kitchen table with his mom was a loving Savior who had died for his sins. He found a God who would not resist or oppose the broken-hearted. He found a God who united him by Trent’s faith with Jesus Christ, so that all the benefits that Jesus won at the cross would be his (adoption as sons, forgiveness of sins, indwelling Holy Spirit, God’s favor upon him, eternal life). He found a Savior with whom he had hope for the future, because this Savior once said, “For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.” (John 6:40)
That is the hope that Trent had, that he had eternal life and that he would be raised up on the last day by Jesus Christ. Here we see Trent’s body before us—defeated by death—but even now he is enjoying eternal life with his Savior and one day that Savior will say, “Trent, come forth!” And his body will rise from the dust and ashes, never to die again.Illust. with Isaiah 65:17-25—READ
Conclusion: Do you know this hope that Trent knew and that Rob and Terri know? The Bible is very clear that if you despair of your own sinfulness before God and turn from it, throwing yourself upon Jesus for your only hope, you will be embraced by a loving Savior. You will find one who will give you rest from your weight of guilt and sin. You will find one who will lead you like a Good Shepherd. You will find one who will not cast you out. Who is your hope? May we all rest on Jesus, the one who has defeated sin and will one day do away with even the memory of death.
Pray.
*************
At this point I was very surprised to hear Jerry ask Rob to come up to say something. The night before Jerry had asked me how we wanted to end the service. My brain was on overload and I could not come up with anything better than to leave that up to God, too, and that I would trust Jerry to decide what seemed best at the time. Just before the service Rob had talked to Jerry and told him that if he felt led to get up and talk he would give Jerry a thumbs up or thumbs down to let him know.
Rob is not a public speaker, but the gospel message that God proclaimed through him was crystal clear and so beautiful and honoring. If there had been a single dry eye in the church building they would have been crying at this point to see Trent's dad up there praising his God for taking his son to heaven.
To end the service we chose It is Well With my Soul as our final hymn.
When peace, like a river,attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, (it is well),
With my soul, (with my soul),
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
It is well, (It is well),
With my soul, (with my soul)
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, (It is well)
With my soul, (with my soul)
It is well, it is well, with my soul
And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, (It is well)
With my soul, (with my soul)
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Again (thumbs up) Jerry called Rob up to finish the service by praying. Rob led us in prayer then prayed a blessing over the congregation. It is a blessing that he has prayed for the kids for several years, and one that Trent requested every night without fail.
(I will put the blessing here as soon as I clarify the words with Rob)
At the end of the beautiful service we stayed right where we were (we had been sitting at the head of the open casket where the recieving line would come through) and spent the next three and a half hours ministering individually to every person who came through. Afterward Rob and I shared that we each felt led to only focus on the person in front of us, not to worry about rushing the line through or who was next, but to take the time and meet the needs of that individual in front of us. Whether it was asking where would they be, challenging them, encouraging them with scripture, rejoicing with them, dancing with them, my favorite~ tagging Trent so he would be IT forever, crying with them or just hugging them, God poured Himself out through us as we celebrated what He had done and promised to do. There were many tears, and much repentance. We pray that there was also salvation taking place.
Others told us of the people in the line encouraging and ministering to others while waiting, asking "what if it had been you?". We had no idea of the overflowing dining room or that there were so many people that they ran out of food. My good friend Maddie again took care of our physical needs and brought food and drinks (man does not live by bread alone do they my friend~ okay, okay I'll eat the sandwich). We were so honored to be used to share God's word with so many that night.
When the crowd finally thinned (and we could have happily stood there all night ministering by God's strength) we found ourselves surrounding the coffin and laughing. Rob's sister's family and some of the younger girl cousins had gathered around and we got to talking about Trent's rubber boats. The girls thought we were kidding so we lifted up the sheet and bent over to look~ everybody had to come and see. It turned to more laughter as the whole family shared that we were wearing color coded camoflauge underwear (or as close to it as Walmart sells this time of year) as one last final connection as a family. Telling Trent stories brought more laughter, and we all pretty much agreed he was the lucky one and that we would miss him like crazy.
As the sanctuary was finally quieting down I took my last private moments with Trent as his mom. I looked at that handsome face one more time, kissed him on the little mole between his eyebrows, and told him the next time I would kiss him would be in Glory. Then I turned and walked out of the sanctuary, without looking back, determined to trust God until He calls me home.
What a mighty God we serve. Now, just to prove that God does have a sense of humor and he is sovereign~ oh my, God, you are too funny! As we were packing up to leave Grace came running to find me saying his name is Rob Gonya! His name is Rob Gonya! Who Grace? The funeral guy! His name is Rob Gonya! Now to back this all up a few years, somehow the kids got the name of Gonya and whenever they play the bad guy/gal is always Gonya. What are the odds that the funny spelled name on the funeral guys tag would be pronounced Gonya just so one little girl could get excited and we could laugh instead of cry as a finale to our sons funeral? ** To see the post with pictures click
here.
Today I am trying to imagine heaven. I can look out my window and see snow on the fields; physical buildings half done and waiting for finishing touches; animals contentedly eating their hay; young boys' bikes waiting to get rode. But I cannot envision heaven. I cannot begin to fathom where Trent is or what he is seeing. This boy whom I lived so intimately with for his whole 12 years I cannot imagine where he is right now. It's a bit different than dropping him off at summer camp for a week, seeing which cabin he is in, meeting his counselor, and watching him head off to the lake to go fishing. That whole week I can envision the wake up bell ringing and sleepy boys pulling their clothes on to hurry to the dining hall for breakfast; chapel time; playing with friends; games and campfires at dusk. 
But how can I begin to imagine what Trent is experiencing, and has experienced, the past several weeks. "Where are you, Trent?", were the first thoughts that ran through my mind when I saw his dead body in the hospital. I knew where he was when he wandered the woods at home in search of pheasants or squirrels. I knew where he was when he went to shovel snow at Russell's house and sat down in Russell's kitchen for coffee and cookies. I knew where he was every morning as I sat in the recliner reading the word of God and he lay in his bed, sleeping safely. I had been where he was. 
But where are you now, my son? What is heaven like? Are you talking with Gideon about the battle's of long ago? Are you discussing ancient weaponry and the might and glory of God to send so many home that the battle would be won with God's strength alone? Are you talking to Enoch or Elijah asking if they are the prophets who will return? Are you asking Paul about the stonings, about the scales, about the shipwreck? Are you worshipping under the alter, asking "How long oh Lord?" Or are you still just standing in awe of the God and Savior that your mother could never have come close to describing to you? One day you were here, the next you were at the throne of God. How I long to know what heaven is like so I may envision where you are. How I long to stand in awe with you, praising the God who gives and takes away. Lord, I need your reality today. Show me, again, yourself. Comfort me with your peace. Send me your words that I count on to endure. 
Scripture is vague on what heaven is like. The apostle Paul said it was indescribable. John tries to use terms that we can understand from an earthly perspective, but even those words fail him to try to describe what he saw. The description of the new heaven is beyond our mind's comprehension to even imagine. The most beautiful place in this fallen world doesn't even come close because it is God himself that makes heaven so indescribable. 
Today I will listen all the more for the trumpet call and watch closer for my Savior to return. When the good works He has prepared for me to do here are done, and when my duties that bring glory to His name are done, I too will know what heaven is like. The earth and everything in it will fade away, but the name of the Lord will endure forever. Lord haste the day when you make all things right for your glory.
Pastor Doug started his sermon at the funeral by saying {in my recollection}: "Funerals are hard. You never know what to say to those left behind. My advice, tho, is that if your cat or your dog just died don't tell Rob and Terri you know what they are going through. You don't know." Of course we all laughed. Of course Doug has been to a few more funerals than I have and knew what was to come in the many days ahead. We are beyond the stage where everybody who sees us hugs us. We are not quite to the stage where most people forgot we ever had a twelve year old son. We are in the stage where nobody knows quite what to say to us (except, of course, those few brave souls who give up their mornings or their childrens lunch time or their ice cream time to ask) so it is easier to not say anything at all lest they have blubbering parents on their hands or we start sputtering about Jesus and salvation and heaven and all that again. So if you chat with me and I don't quite get excited over new faucets or the agony of what color to choose for the third bathroom or the hangnail on your big left toe that has been dangling for a week~ know that I still care, it's just that I am probably trying to process things like which clothes are sentimental to keep and which ones should I donate to Goodwill; what were my last words to my son and what will be my first ones; will that insurance company really cover all the expenses or do we have to dip into our savings or the memorial money that we long to honor God with so the gospel can go forth even more. Somehow priorities have changed a bit for us. Faucets still leak and hangnails still hang, but when your son just entered heaven they don't seem to hold the same weight anymore. Give us time, ask us how we are, we'll try not to get your shoulder too wet and pretty soon we'll care about glossy or satin finish again. Or maybe God will keep eternity very close to our minds and we'll ask you yet again "Where would you be if it had been you that Friday? Are you ready to meet your Creator? Do you know His son Jesus?".
This journey has led me to places I could not fathom going. It has also lead me to knowing and trusting God in a way I could not imagine~ pondering just who God is and why He does what He does; looking at scripture with a whole different meaning; loving the promises with a whole different depth; counting on God to really do what He says He will do, in His time.
Am I willing to let go? 
Can I trust Him and let Him be God with His plans for my life and not my own? 
By His grace I will keep looking up and keep saying yes Lord, your will be done, not mine. Take me where you please because your ways are not my ways and your plans are not my plans. Yours are better, and I surrender all to you.
I wake up everyday and Trent is still in heaven. The various range of emotions go from elation to uncontrollable tears. I hate crying. I don't know why, I just have never been a crier and I don't know how to do it well. Maybe it is the loss of composure or my need for control. Maybe it is because of the facade of my own strength that I don't want revealed. The tears come easier now which "they" tell me is good. I should be crying "they" say. I make people uncomfortable if I don't cry. But I make myself uncomfortable if I do cry. Quit being such a people pleaser, Terri, and be where God has you today, right now. Trent is in heaven, I would not wish him back. But I see him everywhere. I miss him. I long for him. I ache to feel him in my arms. Somehow I have to learn how to live again. The things of this world have failed to bring any charm or joy. Only the things of God hold any hope. To hear the stories of changed lives already brings great joy. The many, many people we have been privileged to share the gospel with gives this a purpose. To think of Trent, free from the bondages of his sin, standing in awe of his savior, looking face to face with his creator makes me smile. This is not about me. But somehow "me" has to live here doing the good works that God has ordained until my day comes to go home.
What a journey God has us on. The thoughts, prayers and theology that have gone through my mind, besides all of the events of the past three weeks, has my mind trying to nicely tie everything together in a pretty little package so I can sit down one day and just sort everything out. The God who I didn't realize I had in a nice little box of my own has revealed Himself to be more than I could have ever imagined Him to be. His promises have been more real than they have ever been before and His peace has been beyond anything I could ever imagine. The words that He has whispered in my ears, or shouted from billboards, or spoke through friends and strangers have been a balm to soothe my pain to the point that I wonder if I should be sadder that Trent is in heaven. I am not in denial, I know Trent is gone and I miss him like crazy, but the overwhelming knowledge of God being in control is my constant compass to point me heavenward in everything that tries to take away this joy. Yes, joy. Joy that goes beyond anything this world has to offer and joy deeper than any sorrow. My delight is in the Lord and His plans. He has allowed complete surrender to my own ways in this and has replaced it with peace. Where else do I have to turn but the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth? Just because He is kind to His children He has lead me to several verses that have brought, again, the reassurance that God is good and is definitely in control of all of this. And without a doubt He loves me through out it and in it. 
From Isaiah 42 
From Isaiah 48, 49:1-2, and 57:1-2 
Isaiah 59:1 Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.
There has been just a bit of respite from the events of the past week and a half and I have found that I am exhausted. My joy is still found in the Lord, and knowing that Trent is in heaven only causes smiles, but my human body is wore out. Graciously God allowed a couple of nights with solid sleep, plus a long nap yesterday. Everything seems to take extra effort just to accomplish at this point. The gifts of meals, paper plates, pizza, coffee and friends who came to sweep my floors and fold my laundry have been all the more appreciated. At this point we are gearing up to handle more details. Bills are waiting to get paid, arrangements for releasing Trent's ashes over his birthday next week have to be planned, and eventually the x-box vacation needs to end for the younger kids. I have deliberately been looking up passages in scripture that refer to God's will and heaven, affirming again that God's plan is perfect and what He is bringing forth from Trent's death is perfect. The book of Job has been especially comforting, to think that Satan intended this for evil but God is using it for His good, and has already brought salvation. My struggle is not with God or his plan for Friday, my struggle at this point is how do I go on living the same after Friday? God had been convicting us that we were too caught up in this world before He took Trent home, but now we are all the more convinced that nothing matters except what is done for Christ. As Rob said at the celebration~ all of Trent's guns and everything he loved is still here, the only thing in heaven is his soul. I look around at all the things that mattered so much, and have a hard time making them look so valuable now. On the contrary, I look around and see all the foolishness and false living that people are so caught up in and find myself begging God even more to open their eyes, along with mine. I find myself torn between asking God to leave us here to minister to all those around us that He has given us to be a light to, to asking Him to allow us to give up all these earthly possessions and take us into full time ministry with no earthly ties. I am tired of spending all my energy and putting all my emotions into paying the mortgage when there are souls that are perishing all around me. I long to build with precious stone and jewels that my life may stand the test of God's refining fire. "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21
May God never take my eyes off of the cross in all of this. May He keep me faithful to the high calling He has brought in my life. May it all be for His glory. And may many souls be woken up to ask the question~ What if it had been you that died on that slope on Friday? Where would you be? Where would your children be? Christian parent, what are you raising your children for? For the glory of God, or the glory of the world? 
