Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Suppressed and Rejected
As I was laying in my bed this morning enjoying the quiet, I was praying to the Lord and thinking about various things in my life. It has been a time (over the past 3 years) of great changes; both physical, monetary, emotionally, and spiritually. The Lord clearly revealed "Suppressed and Rejected". Exactly! Those are the things I have been struggling with! Then, he so clearly revealed how, like Hosea, he was allowing these hurts in my life to reveal Himself. How He Himself is Suppressed and Rejected. How easily have we packaged God into a nice, pretty little box with a bow on top so as not to offend others, or even ourselves. As in my life, I have become what my protected state has made me. Has God then become for the time being (or is He only revealing) what we as His people have packaged Himself up to be, rather than who He is? In my struggle it has been one of anger at the various situations that have caused it, down to a removing of self, and slowly it is becoming a brave thing to step out again. One of those steps has been to be able to say to God that I accept where He has me. If only with my mouth at this time, but slowly it is sinking into my Spirit. Another step is to allow Him to speak to me and bring healing and His plan. Aahh, how easily it is to turn this into me again. But it was so clearly revealed it is about Him! I see God breaking open that pretty little box in peoples lives all around. People breaking free in a sense of the American God, and truly seeking Him. Allowing Him to be Lord of their lives, and days, and decisions. To really obey Him and take His word seriously. I have become exhausted feeling like the only one crying out the importance of scripture and obedience. I have become tired and weary and fear slipping away. But, as always, His hand is catching me. And it is all about Him. As He has been teaching me, my place is to abide in Him. This is His fight.