May 4, 2011
I like good days. The days when I can keep it all in perspective, or rather the days that I draw near again to God. The days that He allows peace and joy and smiling and actually feeling emotions beyond pain. I have tried so hard to just be where God has me~ the good, the bad, the ugly. I don't like the ugly. I don't like the pain or the heartache or the despair of grief. But God leads us there sometimes. Maybe to see the depth of sin that lead to death? Maybe to hold us closer? Maybe so on the good days we cling to Him all the more?
Today is a good day, at least a good morning. Only one episode of longing, close to tears, a desperate wanting of my son. I have made it a requirement that before I open my eyes and crawl out of bed I praise God and thank Him for letting Trent be in heaven. Acknowledging God's sovereignty and goodness to His children. Reminding Him and myself of the sweet verses in Scripture. Never will He leave me or forsake me; I am in the palm of my Heavenly Fathers hands; God is leading me; nothing can separate me from the love of Christ, not even death; God causes all things to work for the good of His children; these present sufferings will not be worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us; eternity is a very, very long time and I get to enjoy it all with Trent.
"I know that joy does not depend on circumstances; it depends on my openness to allowing Your Spirit to have control in my life. Lord, I surrender my life to You today. Make me to be known as a person of great joy." Author unknown.
You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11