Monday, May 23, 2011

The Cry of My Heart

I should change my name to Anna, and maybe I'll add Simeon as a middle name or a last name. I might just move into the temple, too, and spend all my time fasting and praying, worshiping God night and day. All the more the only thing I find myself doing is looking for the Lord's return, longing for that trumpet call, waiting and worshiping my God. My hands and my body are moving, they continue to find work to do to keep them busy, but my heart and my mind are constantly with God. How long, oh Lord, how long? How long do I have to keep hurting? How long until my Savior comes, bringing His rewards with Him? When will I see your righteousness and your glory for myself? I call upon you, Lord, and will give you no rest until I see you. My heart cries out for you in my distress, save me, in your love and mercy redeem me, lift me up and carry me. I take delight in you, oh Lord, I rejoice in you. How long? How long, oh Lord? I am tired of this world. I am tired of sin. I am tired of pain. I am tired of being prim and proper rather than screaming the insanity from the rooftops. I am tired of faking it. I am tired of pretending. I don't fool you, God, for you know my real heart. In you I am who I am, who you made me, there is no pretending, only joy and freedom. Let me be all the more in you. Use my tears, dear Lord, let them be turned into a crown of splendor in your hands, a royal diadem in the hand of my God. Let your righteousness and your glory be seen through them. Let me see your righteousness and your glory through them. Let me see past the hurt and the pain and see you.... see your hand and your plan and your end results. Hold me in your arms, in the palm of your hand. Just love me, Lord. I can't figure out the theology and the rights and the wrongs of it all today God. I just need you.