Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Because It's What I Know How to Do

April 11, 2011

Taking pictures is what I know how to do. It's not as difficult as thinking hard and having to decide what to cook for supper. Or which clothes to put in the washing machine. Or what should I do with Trent's trophies.

Taking pictures again, tho, has proven to be difficult. Difficult because of the guilt. Guilt that I was enjoying something without Trent being here. How could life go on, the grass get green, the family still be a family and have fun and create new memories to take pictures of without Trent here?

How could I be just two months later after the death of my son and live life without him?

Because of four other children who need a mother and need memories. Because God is gracious. Because it is healing. Because God has my day to die planned as well as He had Trent's and it wasn't February 18. Because Trent lived while he was here and taught me how to do it.

Because whether I take pictures or not he is still in heaven. Because there are still a lot of things to take pictures of. Because I want to remember. Because I want them to remember me.